


texting fic ft. lams

by sincerelyeternallygay



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, anyway take this trash, ha if you thought i was typing lafayette's whole name you were sadly mistaken, is that a thing? i'm pretending it's a thing, texting fic, um this is a hot mess fair warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-05-27 05:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelyeternallygay/pseuds/sincerelyeternallygay
Summary: littlelion: thank you eliza, my one true friendturtlelover: excuse melafbaguette: hello? oui, i’m here too.disneygod: hEYlittlelion: *thank you eliza, the best and purest schuyler sisterbubbles: i accept my title





	1. the one where they traumatize burr

**Author's Note:**

> users:  
> littlelion-- alex  
> blossoms-- angelica  
> bubbles-- eliza  
> buttercup-- peggy  
> disneygod-- hercules  
> lafbaguette-- lafayette  
> evilsarcasm-- theodosia  
> a.burr-- aaron  
> turtlelover-- john

**the hamilsquad**

littlelion: hello my children

blossoms: i’m changing the chat name if you keep calling us your children

bubbles: angie...

buttercup: yeah angie do it

bubbles: peggy!

littlelion: god okay

littlelion: thank you eliza, my one true friend

turtlelover: excuse me

lafbaguette: hello? oui, i’m here too.

disneygod: hEY

littlelion: *thank you eliza, the best and purest schuyler sister

bubbles: i accept my title

evilsarcasm: hey everyone

evilsarcasm: who wants to add my boyfriend back into the chat and text him a lot while he’s in his meeting

littlelion: OOH ME

littlelion: ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!

turtlelover: i’ll provide facts about turtles again

bubbles: i’ll be really happy and bouncy and positive

buttercup: i’ll say the exact opposite of what i mean

littlelion: you all know what i’m doing

lafbaguette: :) je suis un ange

littlelion: sure laf

blossoms: what does it say about us that were planning this

evilsarcasm: LET’S GO

evilsarcasm added a.burr to chat

a.burr: theo you know i’m in a meeting

bubbles: hi aaron!

a.burr: hi, eliza. theo...

bubbles: how are you? isn’t today just wonderful? i’m so excited that it’s thursday! don’t you just love thursdays? of course, fridays my favorite, but everyone loves friday, right? it’s so fun! everyone partying and dancing! :)

bubbles: omigosh i meant to type fridays ARE my favorite! fridays my favorite sounds silly, don’t you think?

lafbaguette: bonjour monsieur! comment allez-vous aujourd'hui?

a.burr: not this again

lafbaguette: oui, ce nouveau

turtlelover: turtles are of the testudines characterised by a special cartilaginous shell developed from their ribs and acting as a protective cover

a.burr: why do you all hate me?

evilsarcasm: we don’t hate you love

evilsarcasm: we just enjoy your torture

buttercup: bye burr! what is i? your brother seems very angry yesterday. do i know?

a.burr: hamilton hasn’t spoken

a.burr: oh, no.

littlelion: *ahem*

a.burr: help

a.burr left the chat

littlelion added a.burr to chat

littlelion: according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

a.burr: i’m in a meeting, please stop.

lafbaguette: jamais! nous avions prévu cela avant nous avons apporté à ce groupe, et vous allons maintenant subir la colère de nos esprits mis ensemble pour créer la douleur.

turtlelover: the order testudines includes both extant and extinct species. the earliest known members of this group date from 157 million years ago, making turtles one of the oldest reptile groups and a more ancient group than snakes or crocodiles

littlelion: its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

a.burr: angelica? help?

blossoms: you’re on your own

littlelion: the bee, of course, flies anyway, because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

buttercup: your enemy hasn’t a little of ignorance about this book.

\----------------------

**the angels**

bubbles: i’m stepping out and just watching this is great

blossoms: it’s why i never say anything

\----------------------

**the hamilsquad**

turtlelover: turtles are ectotherms—their internal temperature varies according to the ambient environment, commonly called cold-blooded.

lafbaguette: au revoir, monsieur burr. nous avons apprécié votre compagnie tellement, et maintenant vous êtes libéré.

a.burr: small miracles

a.burr has left the chat

littlelion: how the fuck does he know what that means

lafbaguette: i say that every time before i kick him so now he just leaves

 


	2. the one where alex and john get gayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> disneygod: your gay  
> turtlelover: what about my gay  
> disneygod: it's off its leash and is now redecorating my living room  
> disneygod: please take it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> users:  
> littlelion-- alex  
> blossoms-- angelica  
> bubbles-- eliza  
> buttercup-- peggy  
> disneygod-- hercules  
> lafbaguette-- lafayette  
> evilsarcasm-- theodosia  
> a.burr-- aaron  
> turtlelover-- john

**the hamilsquad**

turtlelover: good morning

littlelion: square circle

turtlelover: :) que?

littlelion: a square circle doesn’t exist

littlelion: neither does a good morning

\----------------------

**the gays**

disneygod: your gay

turtlelover: what about my gay

disneygod: it's off its leash and is now redecorating my living room

disneygod: please take it back

turtlelover: i don't know what you’re talking about

disneygod: you know exactly what i'm talking about

turtlelover: do i

disneygod: you know that those are the exact words you said to each other when you first met

turtlelover: ...whaaaat

\----------------------

**immigrants: we get the job done**

lafbaguette: ;)

littlelion: nope

lafbaguette: ;)))))))

littlelion: sorry what was that

lafbaguette: mon ami, you know you must do something about this.

littlelion: i hear nothing

lafbaguette: i am typing

littlelion: i see nothing

lafbaguette: you cannot say i didn't try…

\----------------------

**the schuyler sisters**

blossoms: >:)

bubbles: oh hush angie

buttercup: :)))))))

bubbles: you too peggy

bubbles: leave the poor children alone

\----------------------

**the hamilsquad**

bubbles: morning john

turtlelover: hey liza

buttercup: elizaaaaa can i sleep over :}

bubbles: ur ridiculous

bubbles: …

bubbles: sure why not

buttercup: :)

evilsarcasm: can i come

bubbles: say i if u wanna come

littlelion: i

turtlelover: i

blossoms: i

evilsarcasm: i

buttercup: i

disneygod: i

lafbaguette: i

bubbles: so everyone then

littlelion: yup

littlelion: hamilsquad sleepover

blossoms kicked littlelion from the chat

bubbles: i

bubbles: okay that was justified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! sorry i have posted in forever.... a lot of shit's gone down. but anyway i'm here and here's a new piece of trash for you guys  
> it's getting gAYERRRRR


	3. ehehheheheheh the gays are advancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> evilsarcasm: check with peggy
> 
> buttercup: check with our queen™
> 
> blossoms: that’s fine
> 
> evilsarcasm: i love that angelica automatically responded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> users:  
> littlelion-- alex  
> blossoms-- angelica  
> bubbles-- eliza  
> buttercup-- peggy  
> disneygod-- hercules  
> lafbaguette-- lafayette  
> evilsarcasm-- theodosia  
> a.burr-- aaron  
> turtlelover-- john

**the wrecks™**

littlelion: johnnnnnnnn

turtlelover: alexxxxxxxxx

littlelion: can you add me back

turtlelover: um

littlelion: pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

turtlelover: okay

\----------------------

**the hamilsquad**

turtlelover: i’m adding alex back

buttercup: okay it was getting boring

bubbles: rt

disneygod: rt

evilsarcasm: rt

lafbaguette: rt

blossoms: eh

turtlelover added littlelion to chat

littlelion: hi guys

littlelion: you can change the chat name if you want

blossoms: hey alex

blossoms: it can stay

blossoms: for now

buttercup: hi alex

disneygod: hey

lafbaguette: salut

evilsarcasm: hi

littlelion: hello

littlelion: also is it okay if i add someone to the chat

bubbles: yeah check with laf

lafbaguette: oui check with hercules

disneygod: idc check with john

turtlelover: yeah check with theo

evilsarcasm: jfc

evilsarcasm: …

evilsarcasm: check with peggy

buttercup: check with our queen™

blossoms: that’s fine

evilsarcasm: i love that angelica automatically responded

littlelion added (as)youwish

turtlelover: and i like them immediately

(as)youwish: aha fellow princess bride worshipper

turtlelover: that’s an accurate description of me

littlelion: k so this is maria lewis

(as)youwish: sup

littlelion: so we all text pronouns sexuality name and birthday

buttercup: why birthday

littlelion: because.

littlelion: alexander hamilton, he/him/his, bisexual, january 11,

turtlelover: fellow princess bride worshipper/john laurens, he/him/his, GAY GAY GAYGAY, october 28

blossoms: *rolls eyes* angelica schuyler, she/her/hers, bisexual, february 20,

bubbles: eliza schuyler, she/her/hers, lesbian, august 9

buttercup: peggy schuyler, xe/xir/xirs, pansexual, september 24

(as)youwish: nice powerpuff girls slay

buttercup: ;)

lafbaguette: lafayette, they/their/theirs, pansexual, september 6

disneygod: hercules mulligan (don’t ask,) he/him/his, gay, september 25

evilsarcasm: theodosia bartow, she/her/hers, pansexual, november 13

evilsarcasm: also my idiot boyfriend isn’t here but i’ll say his

evilsarcasm: aaron burr, he/him/his, straight, february 6

(as)youwish: i’m assuming that’s everyone so

(as)youwish: maria lewis, she/her/hers, bisexual, march 30

(as)youwish: and does anyone besides theodosia have a signif

(as)youwish: just tag them if they’re in here and if not just say their name

bubbles: martha manning

(as)youwish: ...so it’s only theo and eliza that do?

littlelion: yeah

(as)youwish: coolio

(as)youwish: okay onto the important stuff

buttercup: ?

(as)youwish: opinions on the movie moana

littlelion: HOLY FUWHNFJSUNVSDKJBIBFVSK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EHIHIRHN MYE UEIHSIHDIHEIEHHEHEIEHE

turtlelover: he loves it

turtlelover: so do i

blossoms: pshh

blossoms: we all love it

blossoms: but some part of that movie is now attached to alex and eliza’s souls

disneygod: eliza?

buttercup: she screamed and dropped her phone after maria sent that

(as)youwish: YESSSSSSSS

(as)youwish: I LOVE IT IT’S THE BEST BECAUSE

(as)youwish: 1. IT'S JUST IDJIHEI AMAZING

(as)youwish: 2. LMM PIPPA SOO AND CHRIS JACKSON ARE IN IT AND JUST AHHHHH

(as)youwish: 3. I'M TOO SHINAY

littlelion: see this is why she’s great

turtlelover: how do you guys even know each other?

(as)youwish: we’re in a crammed coffee shop and mine was the only table with room to spare so he sat down and now we’re having a conversation except now with you guys on our phone

littlelion: lmao we’re getting so many weird looks oh well

littlelion: M A R I A L E W I S

littlelion: I'M WHEEZING HOLY

bubbles: ?

littlelion: SHE JUST SCREAMED AND THEN YELLED AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS “SCREW YOUR JUDGEMENTS” BEFORE CONTINUING TO WRITE HER ESSAY AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED

turtlelover: i

turtlelover: okay

(as)youwish: whaaaaaaaat

(as)youwish: i would never do such a thing

(as)youwish: ;)

blossoms: i’m cackling quietly

buttercup: *loudly

littlelion: i relate

\----------------------

**the sane ones**

blossoms added (as)youwish to chat

(as)youwish: hey

(as)youwish: this the all girls chat?

buttercup: yeah

evilsarcasm: thank god for this chat

buttercup: ^^^^

(as)youwish: lmao so give me all the details

buttercup: john and alex are hardcore pining after each other and have been for years

blossoms: that’s not an exaggeration the pining has been mutual for literally like four years

bubbles: (john was pining after alex since day 1)

(as)youwish: okay wow

(as)youwish: this might just be me but alex seems like he’d be the kind of person to make a move

(as)youwish: he doesn’t really think about what will come after

bubbles: you’re good at reading people

buttercup: that’s really accurate

evilsarcasm: but alex looks really far into the future for john because they’ve been best friends for six years

bubbles: and he wants to stay with john for the rest of his life and if that means they stay best friends and he never says a word then so be it

blossoms: john is following the same logic

(as)youwish: that’s so sad :( poor children

(as)youwish: but also infuriating :/

evilsarcasm: no kidding it’s driving us mad we have a separate chat for it one minute

\----------------------

**the pining**

evilsarcasm added (as)youwish to chat

(as)youwish: sup

disneygod: hey

buttercup: she knows about them

lafbaguette: you will soon wish you never mon petit lion

(as)youwish: my little lion?

(as)youwish: lol nvm that’s alex

\----------------------

**the sane ones**

blossoms: theo can we tell her

evilsarcasm: i’ll do it

(as)youwish: ?

evilsarcasm: so really recently (and i figure you need to know this because you’ll be here for awhile) i’ve been finding… things in the room i share with my bf

(as)youwish: aaron?

evilsarcasm: yeah. and they’re not bad things, like cheating stuff-- but it’s a bunch of printed out pictures of

evilsarcasm: ready?

evilsarcasm: engagement rings

(as)youwish: oh my god

(as)youwish: oh mY GOD

blossoms: yup

(as)youwish: THAT'S SO CUTE :D

evilsarcasm: :’)

buttercup: it actually is rlly cute tho <3

buttercup: angie

blossoms: yes

buttercup: oh sister dearest

blossoms: yes

buttercup: angelica

blossoms: yes

buttercup: iiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmm boooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddd

evilsarcasm: nice

(as)youwish: how long did it take to type that

buttercup: not that long since i’m on my laptop i can just hold the keys

blossoms: ugh

\------------------

**the hamilsquad**

blossoms: it’s too quiet

lafbaguette: i

lafbaguette: how you say

lafbaguette: second that

turtlelover: you

turtlelover: how you say

turtlelover: know english

buttercup: *snickers quietly*

littlelion: totally unrelated but

littlelion: who else hates the snickers slogan

blossoms: ME

(as)youwish: what is it again?

blossoms: “snickers satisfies”

blossoms: at least that’s the obnoxious part

littlelion: I'M NOT SATISFIED BY THEM AND I NEVER WILL BE

blossoms: i’ll never be satisfied and snickers can’t fix that

littlelion: honestly it’s such a lie. i’m never satisfied, i’ve never been satisfied.

blossoms: preach that

blossoms: satisfaction is nearly impossible to get

blossoms: AND WHEN YOU DO GET IT IT DOESN'T COME FROM A FRICKING CANDY BAR

(as)youwish: wow okay

buttercup: god guys

buttercup: i was thinking we could slowly jab maria with our insanity

buttercup: and you just fuckng punched her in the face

turtlelover: rt

disneygod: i hate to be rude but

buttercup: and the next thing will be rude

turtlelover: tbh i hate sentences like that

turtlelover: ‘i hate to be rude but’

(as)youwish: ‘no offense’

disneygod: jeez i just was gonna say that we never ease anyone into anything we just “punch them in the face”

lafbaguette: accurate depiction of this friendship

littlelion: i leave for two minutes to

littlelion: brush my teeth

buttercup: that could not have sounded more suspicious if you tried

littlelion: I'M SORRY I'M TRYING TO JAB NOT PUNCH

(as)youwish: dude i’m in the coffee shop sitting across from you i’m positive you didn’t just go brush your teeth

(as)youwish: also what did you do that could be weird

littlelion: …

littlelion: finish my essay for adams

blossoms: the one that’s not due for another three months

littlelion: …………

littlelion: no

(as)youwish: i should have known not to ask

(as)youwish: and yet

littlelion: ANYWAY

littlelion: i leave and come back to this mess

blossoms: you are usually the leader of said mess

littlelion: hate the sin love the sinner ange

blossoms: or hate both

turtlelover: or love both ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! sorry i have posted in forever.... a lot of shit's gone down. but anyway i'm here and here's a new piece of trash for you guys  
> it's getting gAYERRRRR


	4. sleepovers ft. cliFFHANGERS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> users:  
> littlelion-- alex  
> blossoms-- angelica  
> bubbles-- eliza  
> buttercup-- peggy  
> disneygod-- hercules  
> lafbaguette-- lafayette  
> evilsarcasm-- theodosia  
> a.burr-- aaron  
> turtlelover-- john  
> (as)youwish-- maria

**nonbinary pals**

buttercup: laf my dear genderfluid buddy

lafbaguette: yes peggy

buttercup: you free today

lafbaguette: oui

lafbaguette: the cafe?

buttercup: laffy taffy you have to be specific there’s like 523497352075073210 cafes in nyc

lafbaguette: the one with my croissants

buttercup: i

buttercup: i was going to argue that but that’s accurate so

lafbaguette: lovely see you soon

**the hamilsquad**

buttercup: laf and i are going out

littlelion: hmm friendship sounds nice anyone free

turtlelover: i am

disneygod: gotta go to the shop today sorry alex

lafbaguette: i am going out with peggy?

buttercup: what they said

(as)youwish: gotta work today :/

bubbles: angelica and i preparing for the schuyler sleepover tonight

blossoms: ELIZA PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE WE HAVE PREPARATIONS TO DO

littlelion: okay then

bubbles: sorry alex

evilsarcasm: aaron and i are on a date

littlelion: ;)))))))))

evilsarcasm: *hits you*

littlelion: ow

evilsarcasm: :)

littlelion added a.burr to chat

a.burr: i will ruin your lives i swear

turtlelover: chill burr

littlelion: yeah i’m just adding you to the chat

a.burr: sure

evilsarcasm: dude put your phone down we’re on a date

**the straights**

a.burr: first

a.burr: stop changing the chat name

evilsarcasm: no we’re the only straight couple ever

a.burr: sureeeeeeee

evilsarcasm: second?

a.burr: second, we’re not on a date?

evilsarcasm: we’re trying to successfully get alex and john to get together

a.burr: good luck

**the hamilsquad**

littlelion: okay then um

littlelion: john whaddya wanna do

lafbaguette: “whaddya wanna”

littlelion: john i’m being bullied

turtlelover: …

littlelion: don’t you dare

turtlelover: ugh god fine

littlelion: thank you

turtlelover: “whaddya wanna”

littlelion left the chat

turtlelover added littlelion to the chat

turtlelover: NOOOO DON’T LEAVE ME

littlelion: okay

**the pining**

evilsarcasm: *squeals*

buttercup: my otp

bubbles: now everyone observe quietly

**the hamilsquad**

littlelion: jo h n

turtlelover: al e x

littlelion: first of all you are a little turd

evilsarcasm: watch the language there alex

**the pining**

disneygod: theodosia bartow i swear to god

evilsarcasm: no but do you realize how suspicious it will be if we all just disappear

blossoms: she’s right proceed as if normal

**the hamilsquad**

littlelion: shut up theo

littlelion: and second off

littlelion: what are we doing

turtlelover: eating and watching moana

buttercup: that was fast

littlelion: ;)

**the pining**

buttercup: OKAY BUT IF ALEX COULD JUST DO A N Y T H I N G BUT FLIRT

**the hamilsquad**

littlelion: eating what

turtlelover: pizza?

littlelion: CHINESE IT IS

disneygod: jesus

turtlelover: you’re obsessed

littlelion: i like chinese a,, healthy,, amount?

buttercup: say it with a little more confidence and i might believe you

littlelion: i like chinese a healthy amount

blossoms: yeah no

littlelion: ANYWAY

littlelion: see you soon john?

turtlelover: yeah when should i come over

littlelion: anytime. whenever

turtlelover: even now? you don’t want to be stuck with me for that long

littlelion: shut up and come over

**the pining**

bubbles: AWW

buttercup: AWWWWWW

lafbaguette: yes yes but where’s the juicy stuff

buttercup: THIS IS THE CLOSEST WE HAVE EVER BEEN AND I AM SOAKING IT IN. LET ME REVEL IN MY DREAMS COMING TRUE GODDAMNIT

**the gays**

turtlelover: i’m screaming

disneygod: so i hear

turtlelover: should i tell him???? tonight??????

disneygod: OH NOW YOU WANT MY OPINION

disneygod: LITERALLY. JOHN. FOR YEARS I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU TO TELL HIM

disneygod: WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING Y E A R S

turtelover: i assume that’s a yes

disneygod: jesus fucking christ

disneygod: YES

**the wrecks™**

turtelover: on my way

**immigrants: we get the job done**

littlelion: i’m telling him tonight

lafbaguette: thank fucking god

**the pining**

disneygod: GUYS GUYS GUYS

lafbaguette: MINES MORE IMPORTANT

disneygod: NOPE NO IT IS NOT BECAUSE JOHN IS CONFESSING TONIGHT

lafbaguette: BUT ALEX IS CONFESSING TONIGHT

blossoms: hA

(as)youwish: they spend years pining after one another, and both decide, randomly, to confess on the same night. ah, irony

buttercup: i don’t think i’ll be able to stand not knowing

evilsarcasm: please, it’s alex and john

blossoms: more specifically alex

evilsarcasm: exactly. we will know with at least an hour of it happening

bubbles: THEYRE GONNA KISS ARENT THEY

blossoms: probably

disneygod: one would hope

lafbaguette: I WILL HAVE SOME ISSUES IF THERE IS NO KISSING

**the wrecks™**

turtelover: open the door

littlelion: ok coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i will update as soon as possible i just have to figure out how to write this


End file.
